I've been travelling on this road too long

It's a beautiful and happy Friday, and not to mention really, really tiring. I've been out from 8 to 8, around the clock, but it was fun :)

 

It was somebody's birthday today (*winks) and you all know how much I love birthdays hahahahah... Sneaking out right after class and racing to my locker to bring out the present and then to the college entrance to get the pizza we ordered earlier and bursting into the lab to steal matches... It's a different kind of fun, and I felt like a freaking spy.

 

Then we went to Pavilion for lunch. 3 consecutive days of fast food and I say I wanna go on a diet. But hello, it was Carl's Junior!!!!!!!! I think that's like the best burger I've ever tasted, and they have the best fries. That place, that particular round table, means memories :') I swear I'm gonna bring my family there next.

 

***

|This week was pure coming-home-after-6. Every single day, I come home feeling drained and paralysed, and when I try to study, my brain just shuts down, and I'll end up snoring away on my bed and visiting dreamland. I swear, I swear from next week, I'll go to the library and study kao kao before coming home in time for dinner, and then do whatever stuff I need to do till I fall asleep. My routine doesn't work anymore. And it's frustrating, but that's what they say right? Change means innovation, innovation means improvement. Staying static means moving backwards.

 

I'm gonna ace this thing so bad my parents will be so speechless they won't ever complain about me slacking anymore. And they'll feel that every single penny they spent since this January is so worth it they'll be willing to pay double if necessary.

 

***

 

About parents, my dad gave me the consent to not study medicine last weekend when I was home. More like encouraged me to not take medicine. And then, after that, I decided that I should really choose another path. And he sort of freed me from my thoughts.

 

Since young, being a doctor was as predicted as growing up and going to college and university. I didn't really give myself a choice, or did everyone else. It's like automatic, something I'll definitely inherit from my parents. They all say, 'Your parent's are doctors, doesn't mean that you'll have to be one too...' This is... Not true. It's like an unwritten obligation, an unsaid rule. Even my mom insisted that at least one of us must end up a doctor, and I sort of willingly take up that responsibility, cuz that's all I knew.

 

And then I grew up, realized that it's not that glamorous, not at all. I followed my parents to work, and wonder how they do this every single day. Basically, all my dad does is talk, well for half of the time at least, then walk around the ward, and write really fast on papers in files. My mom stares into microscope, and I tried too. They all looked the same to me. Then she'll spend the other half of her working hours typing away on a old computer.

 

AND THEN, came the people who, also, wanted to be doctors. They all had stories to back up their reasons and stuff like that and I'm like... I just needed to choose a field to focus on. That is when I noticed, I don't really want this, let alone getting stuck in this for life. Then came factors like 'med student are all over the place', 'you can never get a scholarship', 'reading medicine in western countries is suicide to your fortune'... and they all makes perfect sense.

 

I'd like to believe that I didn't give up. I grew up, that's all. I want different things now. I don't care about the respect in people's eyes when you walk around in your white coat with a stethoscope hanging around your neck or that you'll never go broke or that you get free trips to countries and live in five-star hotels and eat chef-cooked food.

 

A few days ago, a friend asked me what I want in life, and nothing materialistic came into my mind at all. I said I want to be happy and satisfied for who I am and it was the truth. I'd rather have normal income, living in a warm house with people I love who love me back than earn tons and live in a cold mansion with everyone being busy with their own lives.

 

So yeah... This is my thoughts about life and how I want it to work out. I actually have a field in mind. And when I tell it to people I've known my whole life, they'll stare at me like I've gone insane cuz it's way to unpredicted but whatever. It's my decision. And I'll be the one making it.

 

Nights! 16 minutes past midnight and my head feels super heavy.