After 5 days of economy rice and take away food:

1. waking up to sunshine

2. laying in bed until I really had to pee very badly

3. spending a morning watching and listening to covers

4. chilli pan mee with the bae

5. original and apple flavoured Tutti Frutti froyo

6. meeting people I used to see every single day and haven't seen in 3 months

7. officially graduated from college

8. sharing 1000ml of  gelato with 4 others (celebratory)

9. 2 games of laser tag and got trashed by tiny kids who managed to hide in the most impossible spots

10. sharing a huge ass pizza in Mikey's

11. mamak session in Tour les Jours with super great company and the randomest topics with endless laughter

12. skyping with bae and talking about our day

Day VI

Morning world, and may I present to you, my new view.

I forgot what the highway is called, again.

It's day VI since the commencement of university.

Day VI of orientation (3 more to go), and I'm skipping, to put a total end to my college life.

It's graduation day.

I never liked orientation. Any orientation. I don't like having my choice of friends being determined by over-excited seniors, by random, with thoughts only given to maintain a balance of gender, names in alphabetical order. I don't like being placed in a group, with no say of who I'm going to spend day and night with for days (or weeks). I don't like mandatory discussions or games. Or people telling me what to say, what to do, how to behave. I don't like having people planning my daily schedule without my regards and wanting me to follow exactly what they came up with.

But then, we don't always get to escape the things we don't like. I guess it's a par of growing up.

Be it redundant group cheers or childish station games or pointless rivalry. 

Cheers to med school.

' Do I look better like this? Or do I look better upside down?'

- bae

So there was this impossible complication with his ancient laptop, and we have been Skyping for almost 3 months, with him being upside down. I'm serious. I don't know what can one do to invert one's webcam. And on the last day of my post-pre-u , pre-uni life, he got his MacBook delivered to him. So yeah. And this is what he said.

That point of your life where you have liquor at 10am.

sigh

Three more days. Three more days and she, once again, have to move south, back to the city in a car packed with 3 boxes, a huge luggage bag and a few new racks to be assembled. This time, she is no longer overly excited or anxious or nervous, as she has done this before. This time, it's a mixture of anticipation and inertia caused by too much comfort.

She had developed a routine throughout the last three months she spent at home. A routine that is rather unproductive yet promising of satisfaction. She had grown to appreciate lethargy and thought that this quietness wasn't mundane, but a blessing, a blessing that she will not have the privilege to enjoy after 25th August 2014. Call her lazy or dull, she will still be dreading to step up a notch and get back into the fast lane. Life is too hasty there, and barely anybody has time to catch their breath, let alone relish the view.

Nonetheless, there is still excitement waiting at the other end. People to reunite with, a whole other community to return to, and a new one to be established. She would seal the previous chapter shut and kickoff a whole new one, one that almost (supposedly) leads right to her future (the one most people are expected to mean when they say 'future').

Having absolutely nothing to do or a full schedule occupied by events and fun, people would obviously choose the latter. She can't even seem to understand why is there hesitation for her.

Up north for a night

So my parents decided to drive everyone up north to Penang on Saturday afternoon.

We came back today (Sunday) morning.

Spent a night. Basically just ate.

Was too hungry when the food came so I didn't bother to snap any picture.

Enjoy the remnants of my dinner yesterday.

The crab was good.

And the fish too.

And clams.

Didn't bring my phone out for supper.

Discovered a very amazing combination of roti tissue + milo powder.

Breakfast: prawn mee that is usually sold out by 9am (on weekdays).

Also: peanut butter and banana + crushed peanuts apam balik, and Indian apam made by using charcoal fire

Damage done.

Man in the picture, please don't see this so you won't sue me thanks.

Mom was overly excited to show us the Second Link.

She used it once and thought that it was a rather unique experience. So she made dad drive all the way from Pulau Tikus to Batu Maung just so we can drive on the new bridge.

Verdict: it's longer, and has a lot less traffic.

f i v e

five things i've learnt from you and our relationship:

1. to not judge and not be prejudice about people and things in general

2. if you want something, you've gotta work for it cuz it ain't gonna just fall from nowhere and land by your feet

(ie. if you're hungry in the middle of the night, go downstairs and make yourself a cup of milo because ain't nobody gonna bring it up for you, and if you're too lazy then stop complaining about hunger)

3. be angry at someone only if you plan to tell them what's bothering you and if you plan to dissolve the tension

4. stop comparing

(because I'm me and you're you)

5. just because a guy never watches or reads romance, doesn't mean he can't be romantic

***

This is the list I owe you from 3 days ago.

Sorry for being cranky and shit.

ily :)

99%

Pressing the ENTER key has never been this horrifying. Thank goodness the website was so fast that the page just loaded like lightning, slamming my results in my face mercilessly before I can even feel the pressure of the breath I've been holding building in my lungs.

I exhaled automatically as I scanned through my grades. That was it. The end-product of my supposedly 18-month Pre-U course which took a tiny bit more than 16 months, the golden ticket to my future. It's funny how we let a 5-row table on our computer screen tell us what we can and cannot be, how we let it determine what we are allowed to do in the next 4 to 5 years of our lives. But it's reality. 

I'm happy with what I've achieved, although my mother seem to think that I'm too easily satisfied and I could have done better. Yes, 89 could be 90. I could have gotten stronger A*'s than my borderline ones. And of course, if I've done a little bit more past years and be a little bit more careful, I would've gotten straight A*'s. And if my neurones had developed better when I was in her womb, and was fed more milk when I was an infant, I could have gotten full score and be the best candidate in my region, or even complete my degree before I was even legal. Somebody needs to teach my mom to be able to smile and be happy with whatever she has. 

Truth be told, I'm fairly proud of  myself and my college mates, for managing to make it through despite all the nonsense we've been put through at the start of the course, for being bold enough to continue, knowing that we have less than a year to rush through the entire CIE syllabus, because we spent 5 months rocking and wondering in the labyrinth of Edexcel. It was tough, but we did it anyways. 

And yesterday, at 1.01pm, I was 99% done with college. The 1% being a (quite) unproductive graduation day as it will not change or affect anything at all. Oh, and I haven't gotten my deposit back yet. Okay maybe that is worth more than 1%. 

College was shorter than I imagined. It was fun, exciting, but also involved a very vast amount of stress and being a total mugger (especially for the last 5 months thanks to A2). Nonetheless, there were so many memories to be kept, and I owe it all to the people I met, and the people I've already known who moved on to college with me. The stories, the scenes that can still make me smile when recalled, the lessons learnt, I owe it all to my friends, my classmates, and of course my family of 1.5 years. It was indeed an experienced to be remembered. I couldn't ask for better people to spend this chapter of my life with.

*smiles and closes file*

13 hours

1. Try to sleep.

2. Sit here all night, sleep right before morning comes and wake up at noon (if I can even sleep).

3. Sleeping pill.

4. Try (again) to read a book and try to lose myself in it.

5. Lie on my bed.

Good day

because:


1. Didn't have to fetch ANYONE

2. Didn't have to do ANY chore

3. Had prawns omelet and Thai style tofu and man tou for breakfast over good tea with good girly company

4. Watched a disastrous movie (Into the Storm) that almost made me cry

5. Tried the best quiche in Ipoh (after 3 visits like finally)

6. Learnt how to lock a Mercedes (lol damn fail cuz all this while I know how to unlock only)

7. Ate the juiciest rambutans I ever had, and mangoes too

8. Got to listen to gross (but fairly interesting) stories about Mount Rinjani

9. Dark chocolate M&Ms with peanuts

10. Banana milk

11. It's Friday tomorrow and someone is coming for a short visit :)

Biography

Confession, or more like stating an obvious fact, I  like adore food. I enjoy and appreciate food so much, to the extend that it's impossible for me to go on a clean eating diet. Yes, I've tried, multiple times actually, but none of my plans lasted. I'll start off strong, then slowly give in to temptations, scoop by scoop, and soon snacks turn into meals and so on. So I've figured out that there is no way I'm gonna stick to a rigid list of 'allowed and not allowed food'. I can't. 

So instead, I've decided to let myself to indulge in anything I desire, and try to do portion control instead. Because food to me, is happiness. What's the point of looking good while being miserable, drooling at desserts and being bitter and envious at those who are happily munching away and still maintain their figures? I see no meaning in having a VS angel's body and having to feel guilty for taking a bite of that burger (but basically I don't like burgers. not the point.), because to me, joy is everything. I don't think I can sacrifice my happiness and contentment for a 45kg (I'm 53). 

Right now, I'm just making sure that I share all my desserts, and learn to be more picky lol. Meaning, I avoid food that I don't really like, to save the calories for things that I like. I hate rice. So I don't usually eat rice (for lunch, at least), and replace rice with a cupcake for tea time instead. I don't like chicken, but I'm a sucker for ice cream...

But I'm not gonna give fitness advice because I'm terrible at it myself. If you ask me I'd ask you to eat whatever you want and work it off after. I can't stand people who think of the words FAT and CALORIES when they catch the first glimpse of food, and eat it anyway, and complain that they feel obese and guilty afterwards. If you want it really bad, eat it. If all you can think of is the amount of time you need to run to burn it all off, then don't. Don't make yourself (and those eating with you) miserable.

Okay enough of that crap.

What I really wanted to do was to make a list of food I can never say no to lol...

So here it goes:

- Pao. Kaya, lin yong, red bean and peanut pao. I don't eat char siew pao lol.

- Popiah. With chilli.

- Cendol. It's gula melaka.

- Rojak. Indian and fruits rojak. Any rojak.

- BKT. I'm not crazy for the meat. Just the soup and fu chok and mushroom hehe...

- Mee goreng. I don't eat Maggi Mee goreng.

- Pizza. Any pizza but minus the capsicum please.

- Japanese food. Everything on the menu. Except for the octopus and nato.

- Crabs and prawns. No salted egg thanks.

- French toast. Or bread in general. I repulse commercial bread, ie. Gardenia and Massimo. It's pointless, like eating flour and air.

- Pancakes and waffles. With a whole dollop of peanut butter (crunchy) and good raspberry jam.

- Roti bakar. With kaya and NO BUTTER (cuz they always use Planta and it's disgusting).

- Roti Boy. Mexican buns.

- Sandwiches.

- Eggs. Yolks are only acceptable if they're runny. Or omelets cuz it's all mixed up.

- Ice cream. Chocolate or coffee based. No sorbet. 

- Fruits. I think I eat every fruit available in the market.

- Nuts. 

- Pumpkins.

- Mochi and taro balls. Lol. 

- Cream cheese. I honestly only eat red velvet because it always comes with cream cheese frosting.

- Anything banana. With walnuts or chocolate.

- Dark chocolate.

- Siu mai. Good siu mai mixed with seafood. If it's just pork, eww...

- Peanut butter and Nutella.

- Durians. Though it's classified under fruits but it deserves to be on its own.

- Oreo.

- Yogurt. Plain yogurt. NOT low fat cuz it's tasteless. Or Greek.

- Naan. Cheese naan. With egg.

- Muffins I make. Normally with loads of choc chips and cranberries and walnuts and seeds.

- Tau fu fah. With soy milk instead of syrup. Best of both worlds.

- Grilled fish. Or poached. 

- Sweet potato fries.

- Mushrooms. 

- Chilli pan mee.

I realised that the only thing that's meaty in the list is Siu Mai. Never really liked steaks, or patties. I'm a carb person, more like a bread person. And I'm usually more interested in snacks and appetizer instead of the mains. Mainly because I enjoy variety, so mains are fairy boring and monotonous to me. Don't fancy the idea of gobbling down a whole plate of pasta by myself.

And I don't appreciate most of the fancy expensive stuff like foie gras, or oysters, or lamb shanks, or abalone and shark fin, or sea cucumber lol. Low maintenance.

being in charge

My parents had yet again ditched us for another mountain. Indonesia this time, and I'm quite convinced that they chose August because they knew that I would be home. Clever. And here I am, stuck with 2 kids, living the life of a housewife (minus the cleaning duties, than goodness for the part time helper).

I've been waking up at 6.30am, just in time to make sure that they had breakfast, tho it's way too late to do anything if I found out that they haven't eaten, and to see them crawl into my neighbours' cars (carpooling because we are environmental friendly citizens, or maybe we're just lazy), and get back to bed (lol).

Wake up at 8 something, make myself breakfast and wash the dishes they left behind, vacuum upstairs (basically just the 2 bedrooms that we occupy), water the plants (more like waving the hose around), and get ready for gym.

Come back from gym, shower, make lunch. Or take away on the way back from gym. Take in the laundry and fold the clothes. Pick up my siblings and come home for lunch. Clean up after lunch, and send them to their tuition classes. Take them out for tea after tuition, and waste away 2 hours at home. Meanwhile, dump laundry into the machine, and hang them when they're done. Go to my grandparents' place for dinner.

Come home and waste the night away.

Repeat.

It's quite annoying because I can't exactly ask anyone out since I have somebody to fetch almost every hour and I'm quite determined to dedicate my morning to gym before my mom comes back and make me lazy again. Don't feel like going out at night either because my grandma will flip if she knows that I left those 2 at home alone, at night. So I'm quite very stuck with this rigid schedule until my parents return.

But frankly, having a schedule again, or responsibility in general, feel kinda good. At least I feel useful now, actually doing things that are constructive (to my siblings, not myself), but productive nonetheless right?

happy

5S7/2012

Almost 2 years now.