Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous;
love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly;
it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails...But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13
Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.
Cheers to those who adore without judgement and blames. Cheers to those who give without hoping for return. Cheers to those who love without condition. Cheers to those who grant without wanting. Cheers to those who surrender their hearts and trust courageously.
***
It's a beautiful morning, sitting here by the window in the study, peace and quiet, except for the piano-cello duet playing on the home theater in the family hall. Can the world just stop spinning right now? It's the first time, since college started I think, that I have nothing on my plate at all. I don't have to think about what the lecturer is babbling about or which room to go after this class, I don't have to worry if the laundry is done yet or what to make for dinner. There's no test tomorrow, no maths questions to be answered.
It's chemistry class right now and there's probably something important being said or going on but whatthehell.
Mom was suppose to bring me to Penang with her tonight. But apparently she's worried that I'll die or get a stroke or something if I spend 2 days in the hotel room watching movies after movies. And I'm not allowed to walk to Gurney Plaza by myself although it's nearer than the distance of college from my apartment. What logic. I can never understand how her mind works. If I stay at home, I'd be all alone too, and I'll still be sitting here lifeless-ly watching random movies. I'll probably finish all the recorded programmes on TV, eat up all the stock in the fridge and cupboard and sneak out to somebody's house to spend the afternoon and use up all her ingredients to make weird flavoured cupcakes or silently lead my neighbour's dog into the garden and talk to her like some mad person... Yeah the things I do when I'm free...
Anyways, the point is, I'm so damn free right now but I don't feel bored (yet) and I'm loving it like crazy. For the first time, I don't feel like going back to KL. Cuz all of a sudden, home is turning into a holiday resort to me, where all the problems are solved or put aside. It's the only place where I will never feel alone. I can say whatever stupid shit I want and someone will be there to listen... and judge... Well at least I was heard. And when things get really dull I'll just get someone to drive me to the club and run into random people who are as lifeless as me.
This is the only place when I say I want supper and somebody will come back after awhile with food. Everything is just so simple here. So easy, so effortless. I wake up when I feel like it, at there will still be breakfast waiting for me. Sometimes, I feel really dumb for wanting freedom so badly before. For every inch of freedom comes an ounce of responsibility and trouble. I miss being able to walk out of the house without the keys, my phone or money. Just walk out, empty handed, and go sit in the car and get magically transported to the destination.
All this seems so impossible when you're living alone.
All this, I miss.
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