Fight to be the best only to realize there's no meaning to it

- Edward

I just came home from Subang. Went there yesterday straight after Running Man for Petronas Scholarship interview. And now I'm talking to somebody I barely know, well I know him la just not close at all, about LIFE. It's funny how you can have deep conversations with people you don't really talk to, at least not long enough to make the 'more than just the truth talk' mark. I guess the best part is, you're not obliged to  mention names. You just keep babbling, and listen.

So, this brings me to life and living and being alive.

You know, half of the people I met during the programme didn't even know what they're getting into. They applied simply because it means an opportunity to go overseas without paying, or that everyone told them it's a great opportunity and stuff. And it made me think, what do we look like from the outside. If there's someone watching from the space, they'll probably be laughing their ass off, like "What are these humans doing? Spending all their life on things that doesn't even matter." We'll look like total idiots.

Most of the time, we just dive head-first into stuff without knowing why, just because it's what majority do. And one fine day, someone comes over and ask you why, you just stare blankly at them, speechless. They ask you what's your best accomplishment in life, and you don't know what to say cuz you're not even sure what you've done is counted as an accomplishment. 

We're scared to say what we want to say, to feel what we're suppose to feel, all because the fear of rejection and failure. We're afraid of what people might say. It's always about pride isn't it? It's about showing people you're not the weaker party. What you don't know is that there are still people who don't give two craps about what you look from the outside waiting at the other side of the fence. And sometimes, it really hurts, seeing somebody you really care about overlooking your existence for something so meaningless. Like what you've done before is of lower ranking than whatever crap that they're giving so much thought about now.

And sometimes, you just try really hard to convince yourself that you don't care. And it looks like you've succeeded but deep down you're perfectly clear that it stills bother you like shit.