anatomical dead space

respiratory passage where there is no gas exchange

Being in a bad mood is frustrating. 

Being in a bad mood but yet not knowing why is tiring, depressing and torturing.

You wake up feeling just fine. You do your morning routine, and dress up for your morning lecture, and you feel fine. And then somebody, anybody, does something, you find yourself wishing that you have a gun in your hand. But it's not that person you want to pull the trigger at, it's yourself. I hope I'm not suicidal.

Your friends come and talk to you, you make conversations, you laugh, you feel fine. But that one person comes and approach you, you give them your coldest reply, and turn away. Soon you realise, you're just deliberately trying to be emotional towards those who are close to you. You don't really know why you're being such a bitch, but you know that those people bear the attention that weights the worth of your efforts. 

They're obviously sick of your pathetic nonsense, but eventually, they'll ask the question they feel obliged to ask. You give them the subtle "nothing", because after all your trying to catch their attention, you still don't know what's bothering you, or maybe you know, but it's too stupid a matter to share it with anybody else. 

You want to be alone, but being alone makes you feel lonely, the silence is too overwhelming. Being with people makes you feel like you're a worthless excessive individual, your presence does not affect a single soul in the planet. 

You don't know what your tears contain, but they're just flowing like waterfall, soaking your pillow meaninglessly. And right at that moment, all you want to do is to grab a back pack, and jump on the next train home. You can, but then you also know that it solves nothing, that you can't always run home crying whenever you want to feel loved. You don't miss home as much as you think you do. You miss the attention, you miss feeling that you mean something. But you don't call home.

You don't tell anyone that all you've done that night was firing waterworks.

You fall asleep on a wet pillow, exhausted from nothing, knowing that you'll wake up to sunshine tomorrow.