away

If you told me that I'll miss choy-sum stir fried with garlic and steamed river fish topped with ginger and soy sauce two years ago, I'd laugh, and tell you that it will probably take a decade of food deprivation. And I would be proven wrong, because it took me less than a year to miss what I used to have every evening, without having to deprive myself from anything. 

KL offers a far wider variety of food, except for good, cheap Teh C, and yet, I find myself craving for the simplest dishes that have my siblings rolling their eyes and grunt in complaint. The day before I returned home, mom asked me if I wanted to eat home or out, I chose the former, never thought this would ever happen. We used to come out with all kinds of excuses and pleads to keep my mom from cooking so that we could have restaurant food.

Now, when my siblings complain about the repetitive menu, I'd chuckle, silently wanting to tell them to savour every sip of lotus soup and onion omelet while they can, because one day, tasting the food coming from that particular wok and that special pair of hands will become such rare indulgence. Of course I couldn't say it out loud. They wouldn't believe, because I know I didn't.

I want to tell them to tell their stories about what happened in school with enthusiasm when they hop into the car, having asked the everyday 'how was your day', and finish whatever lunch that has been already laid out perfectly on the dining table. 

I want to tell them to sit down on the floor after lunch and help to fold the laundry with the TV switched on and try to annoy dad who's taking his power nap on the couch. 

I want to tell them to heat up some pastry at 5pm and ask mom to take a break from dinner preparation, invite her for tea time, and follow dad to get KFC for supper, or make him instant noodles when he's hungry at 11pm. 

I want to tell them to spend their nights, occasionally, in mom and dad's room, dominating their bed until they shoo them away, and switch off the wifi on their way back to their rooms so mom wouldn't have to do it.

You'll miss home, although it may seem impossible right now. You'll miss the people, the routine, the familiarity. You'll miss the little things because you'll realise it was everything.

if only time could stop at this very moment

I always give up trying to study when I'm at home, because when I look up and see my siblings annoying the crap out of each other, or my parents casually arguing about total nonsense, I'll put my books or notes away and join in too.

Why be productive when you can immerse yourself in such rare, lovely procrastination?

nothing personal

Another food post at midnight:

spegs

squid ink rice with the fluffiest egg I've ever tasted

japanese curry rice (topped with cheese)

- all three from Miam Miam, 1U-

Miam Miam is like our favourite makan place now lol

it all started with a plate of tiny harmless french toasts drenched in honey and a dollop of cream

the King

peanut butter chocolate banana cake

- the Owls Cafe, Bk Jalil-

HONEESTLY, I will not pay 13 bucks for this again, but I don't regret having it either, because I'm a total sucker when you put 'peanut butter', 'banana' and 'chocolate' side-by-side on a menu description.

the cake was something you can get for like 5 bucks for an entire loaf from Aeon or some sundry shop, and the frosting was more cream than peanut butter, but still no regrets.

it sort of inspired me to try to make a way better (or expensive) version when I go home next week,

their waffle was good though.

maybe the waffle was above average, but the earl grey ice cream was really good.

will go back for the peanut butter one.

beef patties

grilled fish

-both from Bad Boy Cooks, Setiawalk-

the patties were crazy.

they were crispy and juicy at the same time I really don't know how.

fish was okay, but the portion was huge for a dish worth 12 bucks so I guess it's above okay after all lol... but they kinda cheated when they put the word grilled because it was obviously pan fried, with enough oil to make the outer battered layer crispy a little.

salted fish fried rice

-Yut Kee, Dang Wangi-

'nough said

or maybe not.

the process of entering the shop, getting a table, getting our orders taken, and having our food served took less than 10 minutes, and it was so good we swallowed everything in less than 10 too.

old times.... :')

(though they moved to a new shop)

chocolate waffles

(homemade, really homemade, vanilla ice cream in the centre)

chicken ham risotto

-Hop Hop Cafe, SS18, Subang Jaya-

went there for the bunnies not having much expectations of their food because they were obviously trying to get publicity and earn all their profit via the rodents, but the food was better than I thought it would be.

they were quite smart la, to make us get at least a drink each to be able to enter the rabbit area.

forgot whats on the left, but on the right: mentaiko onigiri

-Niko Niko, Sri Petaling-

Raku Raku ramen wasn't open yet so we had Onigiri, and discovered the beauty of it.

they sold ramen too and we tried the cold one, but it was nothing compared to Hokkaido Santouka so yeah...

still yet to try Ippudo.

BBQ chicken and mushroom pizza

-Mikey's Original New York Pizza, Bangsar-

came here 3 times.

don't get their waffle fries.

try all their pizzas.

remember.

goodnight

<3

Hump Day

The rest of the world was black and white,

but we were in screaming colours.

It's midweek, and I spent at least 4 hours today procrastinating. It wasn't even productive procrastination, because I was basically just lying on my bed with my phone, occasionally watching the approaching storm through the window. And I was halfway studying about sarcomeres until I got side-tracked by yet another list of articles.

My Instagram feed is so much more interesting than muscular contraction mechanism really.

What are you willing to risk your life for?

"There's time when you learn about the mechanics of joints, 

there's time when you learn about the movement of the eyeball. 

The eye socket is not a joint."

-JP

(Lecturer who:

1. teaches anatomy

2. read A Tale of Two Cities

3. studied physics at tertiary level

4. sang a Greek song in class

5. taught us to not use the nipple as a reference point when marking surface anatomy

6. shouted at us for making notes

7. made us touch our butts in MMS)

anatomical dead space

respiratory passage where there is no gas exchange

Being in a bad mood is frustrating. 

Being in a bad mood but yet not knowing why is tiring, depressing and torturing.

You wake up feeling just fine. You do your morning routine, and dress up for your morning lecture, and you feel fine. And then somebody, anybody, does something, you find yourself wishing that you have a gun in your hand. But it's not that person you want to pull the trigger at, it's yourself. I hope I'm not suicidal.

Your friends come and talk to you, you make conversations, you laugh, you feel fine. But that one person comes and approach you, you give them your coldest reply, and turn away. Soon you realise, you're just deliberately trying to be emotional towards those who are close to you. You don't really know why you're being such a bitch, but you know that those people bear the attention that weights the worth of your efforts. 

They're obviously sick of your pathetic nonsense, but eventually, they'll ask the question they feel obliged to ask. You give them the subtle "nothing", because after all your trying to catch their attention, you still don't know what's bothering you, or maybe you know, but it's too stupid a matter to share it with anybody else. 

You want to be alone, but being alone makes you feel lonely, the silence is too overwhelming. Being with people makes you feel like you're a worthless excessive individual, your presence does not affect a single soul in the planet. 

You don't know what your tears contain, but they're just flowing like waterfall, soaking your pillow meaninglessly. And right at that moment, all you want to do is to grab a back pack, and jump on the next train home. You can, but then you also know that it solves nothing, that you can't always run home crying whenever you want to feel loved. You don't miss home as much as you think you do. You miss the attention, you miss feeling that you mean something. But you don't call home.

You don't tell anyone that all you've done that night was firing waterworks.

You fall asleep on a wet pillow, exhausted from nothing, knowing that you'll wake up to sunshine tomorrow.

currently

You know, I've always wanted to decorate my room, manually, with fairy lights and polaroid pictures hanging on the wall and all. My room at home isn't decorated. It is designed, with a computer programme, and built, by interior designers. All I said was I wanted a wooden platform, and a pink-purple theme, though I did pick out my own curtains and drawer knobs (they're steel teddy bears). 

I didn't bother to do anything to my college room either, mainly because I didn't spend much time in it. We had a common study area, I had a family, so room was for sleep and nothing else. So when I came to uni, aware that I'll be spending most evenings and nights in my room, I thought that I ought to live up to my dream of decorating my room.

So far, this is all I came up with.

Don't laugh.

And I have a beige Ikea mat.

And a purple softboard on my right. But I didn't bother to organise whatever I pin on it so it's more of a mess than anything else right now.

I think polaroid pictures are kind of scary, because I personally don't really like having pictures of people or faces staring at me all the time, though I thought of printing a poster of a skeleton and stick it on the wall since I'm doing medicine and all. Yeah, skeletons I'm okay with (not weird).

The fairy light idea won't work, unless I get a bigger extension cord. Right now, mine has 4 outputs and I have to juggle between my table lamp, printer, hair dryer, water boiler, iPad charger, iPhone charger, laptop and powerbank. Don't think I have the capability of adding another load to it, since it's already a freaking wire-war there.

Well, maybe one day, I would wake up, and actually do something to this place.

Today:

Waking up next to mom

Tosai breakfast

Getting up-market groceries (found Reese pb chips and Hersheys chocolate spread)

Bak Kut Teh lunch that kept me full for 8 hours

Train ride to KLCC (memories :'D)

Overpriced ticket to watch Fire and Rescue (Planes was our first movie alone)

Walking in the drizzle through KLCC park (though it's so congested with foreign workers now, and I swear the slides shrunk)

Peanut butter waffles and Roti Boy

and doodles on my latte cup :)

200th

post dedicated to:

pizza naan

indomie goreng double

kaya toasts

cendol

nasi lemak

childhood goodies from pasar malam

jojo chilli pan mee

So, I was craving for JoJo PanMee, Kaya toasts and Indomie Goreng.

So I got everything I wanted.

*inserts princess emoji*

I tell him to soak it in, to enjoy the comfort of home and work towards greater things that are yet to come because every day spent is another day closer to being away from home; and no one told us that-- or at least we chose to shake it off our minds and shoulders, because we just didn't understand what that meant.

- Nat