This is by far the hardest crap I've ever needed to face.

I can't describe what it's doing with my life. Physically and mentally, inside out. 

It's like I don't even have the energy to care about anything else anymore, when all I did all day was to sit on that same chair, that same spot. I'm getting so sick of not having the right to go out and enjoy life, so sick of forcing information into my brains when they're so stuffed already.

Why am I even doing this? 

We (almost) kill ourselves now so that we can have a better life in the future. What makes us think that happiness of our future selves worth more than that of the present?