Counting down

5 days to trials.

One month and a week to the end of it all.

I'm still alive. Gasping, panting, but alive. 

I'm annoyed at myself, because I don't know what to feel about this. Of course, I want to get over with A2, though I'm still fairly unprepared for it, but I don't want to leave college. I'm so used to this place, this routine, these people, that I really don't know how I'm going to readapt with life after college is over.

Another phase of my life, over, in just 17 months (Not even 18. They lied.)

This time of last year, I remember myself counting down already. I can't recall my feelings then, but I'm sure it's not as mixed up as it is now. I mean, let's leave the people aside first. I know I will miss my 5 minutes walk to college every morning, Sunday market trips, the most pathetic gym in the world, this apartment unit, our ever-full fridge and freezer. I'll even miss my sad, simple, dull meals. Bring the people into the picture, I can write a book about things I'd miss...

I know it's not exactly the most perfect time to be wondering about all this, but I can't help it. I can't help but picture my life without all of this. I can't picture not living this life anymore.

Time to fry some vege and gobble them over maths questions.

And here's a little something I came across this morning...

From littleremindersoflove.blogspot.com: 

"It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days… Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me… So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly my darling…"

— Aldous Huxley, Island