I am suppose to be studying Lattice Energy right now but instead I'm sitting here, trying to convince myself to not over think things. Had a terrible sleep last night, started the day by feeling really lost and confused and unsatisfied. I didn't even want to wake up. When the first thoughts of the day were all in swears and curses, the day will not be good. That's proven.
I don't really know how I lived through today, still looking so normal on the outside. I just kept on eating, swallowing whatever that comes to me. Thanks to the stupid haze I didn't get to swim. So today was all input and zero output. Whatever. At least if a meteor hits the planet tomorrow, I won't die with regrets.
Oh my gosh what the crap is wrong with me?
I wish I had a switch for my brain and whenever I want to stop feeling and thinking I could just turn it off. One flip and life is all rainbows and unicorns again. I seriously can't wait for tomorrow's train home. 5 days at home, with no Internet connections, that's what I really need right now. I want to breathe again. Not having good thoughts is so tiring but it's not like I have any control over it. I wish I had. Then I could just filter out all the bad ones.
I need to stop knowing things, stop thinking about things and interpreting things, when they aren't even suppose to matter to me anymore. Basically, I just need a holiday, an escape from the present world. It's way to messed up and unpredictable and cruel and ambiguous. You really wanna talk to someone about stuff but you have no idea what it is categorized under, hence you don't know who to tell them to. My life is a mess. Yeap, that's the best description I can come up with.
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