But you're friction...
I just read a really really hopeless romance novel last night. In like 2 hours, cuz it was so damn hopeless. I cried like nobody's business, laughed like my sister wasn't sleeping in the same room and cursed as if I was living that story. Then this morning, when I woke up, I still had it stuck in my head. I didn't know why, but I sorta figured out when I was brushing my teeth (*blushes), that I could really relate, personally, to the story.
The story is mainly about a girl, who fell for this boy, but didn't dare to believe in what she felt. She had been hurt and used, hence she lost trust in humanity, refusing to let anyone step into her heart, or let anyone take control of her life.
I mean, I ain't have no boy right now, but I can relate her to the other parts of my life. The too scared to be committed part, cuz people change, too much. And after a few times of ups and downs, I've decided to stop being the nice sensitive one, and be nice to myself, always putting myself on the top of the pyramid. I'm too fed up of hoping and expecting, and getting nothing but disappointment afterwards. It sucks, a lot, to daydream one second, smiling and making silent plans, and the next, having to erase everything because of somebody or a situation that popped up. I prefer to rely on myself, just myself, cuz then I'd know what to expect and what to not expect according to my ability. At least I have control of my feelings.
And no, Im not a control-freak. It's not hatred or rage or anything at all, just a little rule I've set for myself since... I don't know when. So yeah, a little piece of what I really think.
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