To infinity and beyond

On the way to Penang. 

Mom's in charge of the wheel this time, with everybody else dozing off. It just me and a cup of hot mocha we picked up from McCafe.

Seeing everyone made me realize that time is really passing us by. Every single second, every single moment. We can never go back, ever again. I'm still trying to accept that my cousins, the people I grew up with, and actually working and earning a living. That the sister who I thought I have an eternity with, is leaving the country. I never thought that I'll ever have to spend CNY without her. Never. It never crossed my mind that we will somehow grow up, and leave to pursue our studies, and eventually work, start a family, that we will somehow have to spend CNY at someone else's hometown, i.e. our future husbands', and there is nothing we can do to stop that from happening. Unless we marry brothers from the same family but no I'm not marrying her boyfriend's brother. 

The point is, before this, before everyone started troubling over tertiary education, I really thought that I'm stuck with this bunch of mad, crazy, wonderful people, forever. That, like it or not, I'll have to spend every Chinese New Year talking shit and stoning and laughing with. But come to think of it, it was slowly happening, every single year.

We used to be so stubborn, and persistent, that we beg and beg our parents to let us sleepover at each other's house every time we meet. And we never slept. As time passed, we started cursing on each other for making noise because we wanted to sleep. And now, we stopped hiding and locking ourselves in each other's rooms so that our parents can't find us when they decide to head home. We come downstairs, obediently, say goodnight, and leave. It was a sign, I should've known.

The first time our parents allowed us to go out together, without the presence of any adult, the first time they dropped us at the entrance of a mall, the first time one of us drove us out... Those were signs. How could I not notice? 

And yesterday, it was my turn to drive. The first time, and maybe the last for at least another 2 years. At least.

To the big sister who clearly isn't more mentally matured than me, I can't imagine 

CNY without you. I don't know what I'll do, although we basically just stone in popo's house every year, blasting the air con, swallowing cookies, eating up all the tiny oranges. We are too dysfunctional together, we never get anything done, we cause troubles, we kill every faith and trust the adults have in us, we break things, and never fix them back, we never help to do anything, we demand way to much, we fight, physically, we cry, but we never, not even a single second, hated each other. We are the closest anybody who aren't from the same parents can get. We are so alike, yet so different in so many ways. I love how we can not communicate for months and the second me meet again, we are inseparatable. I love how we never learn from mistakes, that we can always piss people off without even trying. I love how we just stop caring about our reputations and laugh like retarded wasted idiots when we are together. 

I love you, more than just a cousin. I love you, for getting into trouble with me, getting punished with me, being insensible with me, for loving me back for all of that. I love you, for growing up with me, and for letting me grow up with you. I know that the furthest distance in the world will never do our relationship any difference. If we were couples, we would have the most effortless long-distance relationship in history. 

Cheers, to all the good times, to all the memories I'll never forget. Cheers, to the present and the future, to all the good times we will share. I'll make sure our kids grow up together. I'll make sure they are as dysfunctional as us, as annoying as us. I'll make sure they're brothers and sisters, that they love each other as much too.