I promised an entry on results' day, so I'm just going to narrate my Friday.
Friday started at 9am, 3 hours, back-to-back of chemistry, and nobody was actually listening. But the fact that I'm getting my results in a few hours time hadn't really set in yet. It was just Friday being Friday on me. Easily distracted, way too excited for my after-class plans, like always.
The three hours were long, and then we went straight out at 12pm, met the boys halfway and took the LRT from Sentral to Dang Wangi for lunch. Lunch was 3 plates of roast pork, 3 plates of chicken chop, a roti Babi, a salted fish fried rice and a fried glass noodles. All these for 6 hungry college students. I have no idea how the boys stay so skinny.
The line was long but not too long. At least they had an umbrella so we didn't have to roast under the noon sun. I don't even remember how we decided to come to this place. All I know is that Cong and I were drooling at pictures of roast pork during maths class the day before. The things we do for food...
Then we somehow ended up in KLCC *laughes*, and the only shop we (more like Belle and I) went into was Typo and Candilicious. My heavens on earth. Then we took the bridge to Pavilion, for nothing, and took the monorail back to college, just in time to collect the results. I didn't know I was capable in being THAT nervous. I swear.
I couldn't breathe properly when I was lining up, I couldn't even swallow my own saliva. I didn't want to face it, but I wanted to at the same time. This makes no sense I know. I had the paper in my hands, and I rushed out from the room, took a very deep breathe and turned it over with Janice by my side.
To be honest, I still have no words to describe how I felt at that very moment. I wasn't happy, or sad. Disappointed, mainly at maths. My worst case scenario was seeing a B on the paper, but that didn't happen. I guess I'm suppose to be grateful.
I called my mom, reported my results, and she told me it was 'not bad', that's when I started tearing up. Then I ranted about how unacceptable it was for me to screw up my maths so badly, and that the hope of getting an A* for it is probably nonexistent. But after giving a little thought to it, I realized that I cried, not because of disappointment. I cried because for the very first time that I needed a long, warm hug, she wasn't there. Much thanks to the girlfriends that gave me huge hugs to replace hers, with no questions asked. I really appreciate people who ask 'you okay?' instead of 'how was it?'. It means a lot to me, the fact that they place my well-being above my results.
I can't handle my parents saying 'it's okay, you've done your best, we are proud of you' when they clearly expected more from me. I'll just burst into tears whenever I hear them saying that. For real.
Hugs and kisses to the cousin, who asked my how much my retainers cost instead of asking about my results. You made my day. Thanks for letting me know that this isn't everything, and that there's still so much more that life has for me, so much more to love and be happy about.
A huge bear hug to the guy who told me jokes over Whatsapp that night, who I know would do anything to cheer me up. I can imagine you googling and scrolling down a list of jokes and short listing them and copy-and-paste the ones that made the mark to our conversation. I appreciate your every effort.
A whole bucket of love to the siblings, who don't give two craps about my results, who are forever trying to make sure that I'm happy. I really need people like that in my life. People who joke at the most inappropriate times, because they have no idea that it's inappropriate, and they genuinely just want to make you smile.
To my parents, who always have such faith in me. Dad, who said 'very good' even before I told him the details, although he probably had no idea it was results day when I called him. Mom, who always know what to say, who I know, will always be ready with her hugs and kisses no matter what.
Man I miss home. 3 more days. I'm so claiming that hug.
No comments:
Post a Comment