But you're friction

Now playing: Treacherous- Taylor Swift

This very Saturday was spent with my mom, strolling in MidValley, trying to pave my future. 

I think I'm one of the most greedy applicants in the country. Who in the world signs up for both dentistry and engineering degree programmes, both local and overseas? Yeah me. And I can't believe she finally admitted that her plan for me was medicine, half in Bukit Halil, the other half in Europe. And she didn't say that directly to me. She told some over-talkative, persistent, annoying counselor from some crappy university. 

Despite me being so very mentally worn out (a day in an education fair, calculating costs and trying to foresee the future is extremely challenging), being with mom felt good. It's like all of a sudden, I'm not so enthusiastic about leaving the country anymore. I'm too attached to the feeling of knowing I have a shoulder to lean and cry on, I have hands to hold on to when I'm about to fall. 

When the counselors asked me what I truly want, I had no honest, precise answer. What do I want? I want to feel comfortable, I want to wake up, looking forward to everything the universe has got for me, I want to go to bed feeling happy and satisfied with my day. I know what I'm saying is as ambiguous, as vague as anything can be, but it's the genuine truth. My truth.

Sometimes, I wonder, what's the point of looking so far, thinking about what's gonna happen in a few months time, when you can be thoroughly happy right here right now. Aren't we suppose to live, naturally, day after day, enjoying the most of what we have in our hands, instead of trying so hard to multiply joy and wealth.

Reasons why I never take videos. I realised, when we are recording what is majestic and memorable to us, we tend to focus more on the screen of our recording device, an hence forgetting to actually look at the real, undigital, picture. And I feel that this is exactly what's going on right now. 

I think I need some sort of therapy right now...