It's another week gone. Gosh, time is moving too fast, I'm having problem keeping up. It's like life doesn't give a damn if you manage to adapt to the changes or not. It just keeps on throwing new challenges at you to cope with and you have to choice but to comprehend. Right now, I just wish that I could hit a pause button so I could maintain status quo for a little while. I'm fed up of all the uncertainties and guessing and trying really hard to make sure I don't cause trouble. Cuz the truth is, if being a decent human being means creating the minimal amount of problems, then I'm seriously failing terribly.
People get angry at me way too much, and most of the time, I'm totally oblivious of what I've done. I have the worst instincts anyone can ever have. I have problem feeling and knowing stuff that are left untold. I don't even know that someone is mad at me until somebody else tells me, let alone knowing the reason why. I don't have the slightest idea about who likes who or who is in the middle of Cold War with who unless someone tells me so, although it may seem obvious to everyone else. And I'll end up with an expression as if the cure for AIDS was discovered when everyone is just 'I can't believe you didn't realize...' -.-
Yeah yeah I fail as a girl. I know that already. And I can't tell if two people are together unless they hold hands in front of me. Like seriously. I'm that bad.
My point being, sometimes I just wish that people could actually come up to me and say that I've got on their nerves because (insert reason) so that I can have something to apologize for. Or I'll just end up waiting and observing blindly like an idiot cuz I'm not even sure if they're really angry or just moody or PMS-ing.
You can't just get mad at someone out of the blues and start to make their lives a living hell and not tell them why. That's just not fair. Most of the time, that person will just be debating with herself wether you're still friends or not and if she should say sorry, and if yes, for what. Not everyone can read minds or sense problems. There's no answer at the end of the book for me to refer to. So humor me, please.
I have I admit that I'm terribly flawed, and I'm superb at attracting problems. I'm sorry if I may seem like a bitch to you, but the truth is, it's really not my intention. There's no single person in my social cycle that I hate. Nobody at all. And if I don't like you that much, I'll just reduce the contact with you. That's all. I won't go making sure that you hate your life or stuff like that. Not my style. Maybe that WAS me, I don't know. I hope it wasn't. But I can swear that I'm trying damn hard to be a better person.
So please, at least give me a reason to say sorry for.
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