not so baby anymore

Eyes puffy from crying, by baby brother crunched his UPSR result slip into a ball, left it on the table and quietly made his way upstairs, cooped himself in his room all day.

Along with read letters and opened envelops, my mom unknowingly threw the ball of  'rubbish' away. Only having to rummage through the trash to retrieve the evidence of my brother's completing primary school.

I suppose the way he reacted was perfectly normal. Just that he usually acts so nonchalanty when it comes to academic results. I never thought it would affect him that much. Heck I didn't even think that he was serious when he announced that he was hoping for straight A's. We all thought he was joking. 

'我不是看扁他', my mom explained over the phone. He is just different from my sister and I, and my mom has a whole new set of standards for him.

I wanted to call, and tell him that nobody remembers anything about UPSR. Even if we do, we don't care. But maybe it's important for him to feel the impact of the insufficiency in his efforts at least right now. To know that he has to work for what he desires and a wish upon a star won't work.

Seeing him acting so dramatically, I thought of the small things that little-me had fussed over, and all the tiny hiccups that current-me still make a big deal of. Looking back at the stress I put myself through, the tantrums that I threw, it all seem so stupid now.

'It's not worth it,' I was tempted to tell him, but I guess it's only human for us to live and react to that very moment. That's life after all, the present.