扑不灭的火

they day after Christmas 2014

the rain didn't (couldn't) stop us from lighting up a flying lantern

sending our wishes into the sky

minutes before a train came barging through where we stood

family #2

thanks for being my family: 

- moms when I'm sick

- sisters through late night girl-talkings

- aunties (sort of) when we go on our weekly Sunday marketing

thanks for being my best friends:

- standing by me through exam stresses

- helping me with anything and everything\

- my source of happiness for 1.5 years (and even after that too)

thanks for making me feel loved and taken care of

thanks for all the memories that I'll forever hold on to

can't wait to be on the same land with you three again

^

the truth

can't ask for anything more genuine

Where did the excitement go?

The thought of Chinese New Year used to be exciting. New clothes and free flow of cookies and chips, trying to predict the amount of Ang Pow's I will receive, spending days and nights with people that I grew up with but hardy see nowadays... Those few days used to be all I'm looking forward to after the fireworks of New Year's Eve. I wonder what happened.

Did I grow up? Or I just got too used to the routine?

The traffic congestion when I was rushing to pick my sister up from school made me wish that it wasn't this time of the year. I was reluctant to go clothes-shopping because I thought that I'd rather save the money and shop throughout the rest of the year, 'the sales now aren't that good anyway'. Ang Pows don't pump me up because I will eventually pass them all to my parents, and let them 'recycle' the cash. Who carries a hundred bucks worth of RM1 and RM5 notes with them? 

I guess, as time passed, I got more aware of reality. I've come to realise that course dinners are created to overcharge families who are too lazy to cook their own reunion dinners, and CNY sales are meant to trick us all into buying way more than we should/need. 

At least I still appreciate the idea of having a break from being productive.

Reasons I love the sky

Story of my life

And he's the one who can afford to eat whatever he wants and not gain a single gram.

Thank you

Some times we just need a little reminder of why we started doing what we're doing right now.

Today was perfect. 

14 hours

14 hours.

14 more rounds the minute hand has to make around my watch.

Can't say that this is the most stressful exam in my life so far. The tension is not even half of what A2 had on me. Maybe one third, but it's stress nonetheless.

14 hours, to 5 weeks of study-free joy, freedom and life. 

乐

Call me

Whatsapp.

A perfect example of a love-hate relationship. Heck there's not even a single hint of love. It's more like a need-hate relationship, because it's the main platform for most of my non face-to-face communications. It's like Facebook. I don't even want to have a Facebook account but I just need to because of obvious reasons. 

I suppose they created Whatsapp, thinking that it would help us talk to each other, to strengthen relationships. And I'm sure that the majority did find it useful and beneficial. I would be lying if I told anyone that I'm not dependent on this application, because I am. Most mornings, it's the first thing I check on my phone, and on most nights, it's the last thing I see before I let darkness take over. I feel uneasy and left out when Whatsapp is down, like I've been detached from the rest of the world. And for this, I hate it.

I hate how people plan surprises through Whatsapp instead of meeting up. I hate how I can be affected by somebody's 'last seen'. I hate how we stopped calling each other to actually TALK about matters. 

We can be sending messages 24/7, and still feel distant when we meet. It's no way to maintain a relationship. You can send a long paragraph of some cheesy confession but they're all just alphabets on a palm-sized rectangular screen. 'I love you', typed by anyone in the world, looks exactly the same. I guess this is the main reason why people always say that long distance relationships don't work. 'But we Whatsapp like ALL THE TIME,' they say. I don't know if it's just me or what, but seeing a caller ID gives me a different feeling in comparison to seeing a message notification. Though the excitement is short-lived, it's a pleasant thrill nonetheless. 

Maybe we don't have to be keeping track on each other's every single action. Maybe we just need to feel that they care, and that need cannot be fully fulfilled by message bubbles. Whatsapp can never let us feel the closeness of hearing somebody's voice. And the noises in the background, they allow us to imagine ourselves being at the other end of the line.

I don't like the way Whatsapp is the main reason why people are still together, or in touch. We're letting something so emotionless, so cold, to be the bridge that hold us together. 

A glimpse of the sunset and the hot, rainless day was worth it after all

The reason why I always volunteer to fetch my siblings to/from their evening classes.

P/s: I was wrong. The eggs couldn't stand this morning.

after 19 years

I've been living a very Chinese life for the past 19 years.

Every spring, I'll stumble upon newspaper articles or random pictures of eggs being balanced perfectly on floors and table-tops, but it never occurred to me that I should try.

Today at 1pm, my mom gasped out loud, telling me that it's past noon, grabbing an egg from the fridge, 

The both of us were crawling on all fours on the floor for half an hour trying to make the eggs stand.

I'm still convinced that it can be done every day, with enough patience, because it just probably the art of balancing the liquid in the egg.

***

"Who's Kate Upton? 

What is she doing in the picture? 

Wait she's gonna be the queen of England right?"

- bae at 12.29am

Perks of a multiracial country

Random mid-week holidays celebrating a festival that has nothing to do with you.

Today started with a knock on my bedroom door at 8.30am, waking us up for dimsum. 3 hours of studying (plus a new episode of the Originals) and then lunch at a restaurant which profit goes to a foundation for Down's Syndrome patients. Funny how everyone who dines there can be so patient and tolerant, not throwing puzzled looks when they had to repeat their orders 3 times and remind the waiters continuously to get that sambal they ask for. Funny how we are so much nicer to disabled people, but we can't comprehend to even fake half of that niceness towards normal people.

The famous cendol stall was closed today, so we ended up having tau fu fa for dessert. Came home, and left again to get my tickets back to KL and to buy our weekly supply of fruits. Did some reading on cell injury, showered, did the laundry, and had dinner prepared by my favourite chef in the world. She made us the best shrimps and onion omelette and sauteed button mushrooms in an excessive amount of garlic, alongside lobak all the way from Penang.

Helped with the dishes and took my siblings to their tuition classes. Strolled in the Pasar Malam, popping kaya balls into our mouths, as we waited for time to past, and bought home popiah and kuihs. 

Had our usual family laundry session when we got back, carefully making sure that nobody steps on Hershey.

Realised how fun it is, to let everyone else decide on what and where to eat, having every meal turn into a pleasant surprise.

February challenge (add-on): Let others decide on meals.

Day 2

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” 

– Bob Marley

Read this to a happier self.

Day 1: 

Went for a jog (after a lifetime of hiatus) and was rewarded with an amazing view of the sunset.

Clean

We are born to complicate things. 

We have brains so complex that we like to turn simple matters into entangled piles of messes. Maybe by doing so, it allow us to feel smart, or just to feel something. Maybe we just assume that we are suppose to greedily want more in life. Or maybe we are confused with what makes us happy and what makes us feel complete. 

This month, for the whole of February, I'm going to challenge myself, to live minimally. To hold my tongue before I utter any words of complaint, to take a deep breath before I decide to not like a person for what I observed from afar. I want to challenge myself to think twice before I go ahead and splurge on those pumps or that overpriced scoop of ice cream that I do not need and have no reason to spend on. I will challenge myself to settle with the simplest meals, as food should nourish our bodies and not be the sole satisfaction in life. I will not search high and low for company to spend my free time with me, but to embrace whatever and whoever I have by my side, to appreciate those around me and love them for they are all I need. 

I want to learn the most out of the least in February, and hopefully change my view on life a little.