Sunday, September 28, 2014

nineteen in a day


Last year, the night before my birthday, we watched About Time, featuring Dans le Noir, London, where Domhnall Gleeson met and fell in love with Rachel McAdams while they were eating in the dark.

This year, two nights before my birthday, he surprised me with dinner at Dining in the Dark, in Changkat Bukit Bintang.




This personal magician of mine crossed out two items on my bucket list in one go.

1. A dress (courtesy of the girls) in a box secretly placed in front of my bedroom door, with a note asking me to put it on and have him pick me up on Saturday evening.
(Though I accidentally kicked the present to the other end of my room because I was carrying two bags of raw marinated chicken, long story.)
(And after they bought the dress prior to my knowledge, we came across the exact same dress on Wednesday and I told him I liked it lololol.)

2. A meal in total darkness.


Dining in the Dark was one of the best experiences I've ever had. The food was good, though most of the time I had no idea what I was chewing and swallowing. I gave up using the cutlery and ate with my fingers. After all, nobody could see or judge me right? We were served by a visually impaired waitress, Nicole, who was really friendly and sweet. Till now I'm still curious how they managed to hold and serve two dishes and walk around at the same time. She knew exactly where our table was, and where to put the dishes without having to molest every single inch of the furniture (like I did).

And I thought I was better when it comes to food... but... I thought my Angus beef (one of the 3 main course dishes) was tuna until I finished like three quarter of it. And I thought my Greek yoghurt soup with Japanese zucchini was some Indian spices infused gravy of some sort. And I had trouble identifying banana ice cream. Unacceptable. 

I just realised that I'm not suppose to tell people about the food they served because it would probably ruin their experience. But they change their menu every month, so please wait for another month to past at least if you plan to visit.

Food aside, by nineteenth birthday will be the most memorable one, up to date (it's tomorrow, but it has already gone above all the previous ones). What impressed me the most is the trouble and all the panics him and the people who were involved went through, and for planning it even before I moved back for uni. It's so typical yet touching for you to always know what I want, and it's like I've never really told you about these stuff. And you just somehow always manage to figure it out and make it happen. 

I think, to me, the most romantic thing a person can tell another isn't 'I love you' or 'you're beautiful'. It's having you tell me how you've changed, for the better, because of me, because of our relationship. It's the both of us trying to be something more for each other, because we know that we deserve the best of each other. Makes me wonder why some parents are so paranoid when it comes to their children being in relationships. Cuz there's no better way for their kids to learn and voluntarily care for somebody else other than themselves. Having a boyfriend is quite healthy if you ask me, unless he's an alcoholic or takes drugs. 

And to people who panicked with him because of sudden changes in plans, ie. PBL replacements and Saturday classes, those heart attacks didn't happen in vain because I had the time of my life (so self-centered lol). 

To my mom who has been asking me to go home and spend my birthday with her, you don't know how much I want to be right next to you right now, and for you to be a part of my happiness. 


Tuesday, September 23, 2014

but home is a time, not just a place


Home is when you can laugh as loud as you wish, cry as hard as what's hurting you, love as though as you have forever.

Home is when it doesn't matter if the sun has set, irregardless of the rain pouring outside and thunder storming like it's the end of the world, you feel safe, like you know the shelter above you will not give way. You're protected from all the harm in the world.

Home is when you wake up in the morning, sun rays peeping through the curtains' gap, and you smile and go back to sleep again. Because you belong, on this most comfortable 3'x6' area on the surface of the planet.


Perhaps I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm at home. 

Because, honestly, I miss Home, and every single thing and soul that comes with it. 

It's my second birthday away from Home. I don't know how many more I need to finally accept that it's how life is right now. That Home is more of a luxury now instead of something I fully own. It's something I was born with, but yet have to put aside as I march on in life. 

It doesn't make sense, how close it is and yet it feels so distant to me.  


Saturday, September 20, 2014

19th September 2014


2 person (one without money and IC and driving license)

Less than 30 bucks

Less than half a tank of oil (only because we pumped some on the way)

A dying phone

An iPhone without data plan

Lectures since 8am

Almost 11pm

Driving in a Myvi on the wrong side of the North-South highway after sending someone off at the airport

Passed by the famous huge Seremban Siu Pau shop by the highway 

A Touch 'n Go card with 6 bucks

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Wise words



"Chill la. Just go there, stop people from scoring, and score."

" If people try to shoot, get physical, seriously."

- bae's Basketball 101

Week 4


Fact: I forgot to bring my rum and raisins dark chocolate bar from home. I'm still pissed at myself almost every single day.


I don't even know why I'm so tired every night. Cuz like, I woke up at 9, stoned in bed and think about life for half and hour, and took my sweet time to dress up for uni. Sat through 2 hours of lecture, went to Subang for Pan Mee and Cendol, and head back to uni. Sat through another hour of the lamest lecture (getting scolded by some doctor who studied in Scotland and obviously has issues with life in general), and got home to change and went for a short run. Wondered around the uni compound bumping into people occasionally, came back and showered and made myself dinner. Sat here in front of my laptop till now. 

Frankly I feel really detached from the literature and the entertainment world. My series are still on summer break, and I'm too reluctant to watch and TVB ones, and the last book I read was If I Stay 2 weeks ago. And not to mention out of shape. I think I'll be panting if I run 10km now. 

Oh well. 

Sleep.


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

real

3rd official day of med school:

1. woke up 20 minutes before the first lecture

2. free banana cake

3. got completely lost in the middle of a lecture on enzyme

4. too tired to even eat, until my friends decided to go to JoJo (always have appetite for JoJo)

5. came home and did nothing

6. took me half an hour to get my ass off the chair to iron my pants

7. dreading to wake up at 9 tomorrow

Friday, September 5, 2014

note to self:

never spend to much effort seeking for approval.

approval is as trivial as ego.

in life, you need not search for those who approves of your thoughts and your personality. you don't need those who like you and stay around just because you're flexible, willing to bend over, willing to give in.

stop feeling worthless to those who care little when you're caring for them with all your heart. let go. let them realise what they've lost, and if they don't, they were never meant for you to waste feelings on.

just know that whatever you're committing in, you give what you think is enough, or give more. it doesn't matter. you may feel like the losing party at times, but at least when verdict comes, you know you're not at fault.

give (limited) benefits of the doubt. don't jump into accusation mode although your heart and brain are screaming at you for being in denial, for being weak. it's called protecting what you have. it's called taking a step back. 

but when you feel that you've had enough. anchor your feet, do what you have to do. it's called protecting yourself.

when you were born, you only had your parents. they're the only ones that you might not be able to survive without. and you will learn. you will learn to live without those who you think are as essential as oxygen, because no human being is dependent on the other.

it's okay to feel angry, sad or disappointed. it's okay to cry. because it's the best way of telling yourself that you're alive, physically and emotionally. frustration is a way of saying that you care. you don't owe a single soul any explanation. learn to cheer yourself up, know what makes you happy, and do it. 

you deserve your aspirations.