Pixie dust

My first Mother's Day away from home. 

Her first Mother's Day in many years without waking up to a full-scale breakfast spread.

My first time writing her a proper letter.

Her first proper letter in a decade.

My first time saying sorry.

Her first time telling me that I'm perfect enough for her.

My first time tearing at a text message that woke me up.

Mom, I knew that I love you, and that you love me more, since I could think and speak. I grew up comparing what I had to what everybody else had, thinking that I never got enough, that you never gave enough, that you were not perfect, as if I was. I apologize for that.

I used to swear under my breath when you asked too much, when you spoke too much, calling your concerns annoyance. I apologize for that too.

Now I understand how much you've given me, how much you've taught me. I had more than enough, I was just looking at the wrong things. I know there is nobody else in the world who can love me as much as you do, even if I've made the most unforgivable mistakes. I can never come across anybody else who would tell me that I'm perfect to them after they've seen the way I throw my temper like the world owes me everything when things don't go my way. You've seen every flaw I have, and yet you can cross your heart and tell me that you love me beyond my intolerable imperfections that even I myself cannot comprehend. 

I thought to myself, 'what have I done to deserve such love?', and then I realized how shallow I've been these 18 years. I would grunt when I find your care to be excessive, I wished that you would be one of those nonchalant mothers who allowed their kids to do anything they want, I hoped you wouldn't be the way you were... Why do I even deserve you? When you'll always be a shoulder to cry on, even that you've warned me that I'd get hurt, and I decided to overlook your advice, I basically went head first into my own death trap, and you'd be there telling me that I'll get through, and then silently fix my life for me.

I don't believe in religions, but if I really had to pick one, it would be you.

You gave me life, let me grow, taught me, loved me, cared for me like all the superior powers care for their believers. There is nobody worth my total faith but you.

You sprinkle all the magic dusts you've gathered for decades, and sprinkle it all over me, stand back and watch me shine, but yet you never seemed to ask for a little tinge of credits. You say that I'm young, that I still have an entire life ahead of me, but you're young too. 

I wish you've kept some for yourself, because shining for your wouldn't be half as fun as shining with you.