b r a i n . d e a d

she can't sleep if it's not past 1.30am

she wakes up automatically at 6am

and today

she decided to move it forward to 4.40am

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? You can't just wake the whole system up at the strangest time and then decide that you're tired and stop working in the middle of the day. Things don't function like that. You're suppose to rest, throughout the night, and then wake up to the alarm and be good for the rest of the day. Is this really that hard of a rule to abide to?

And I have a maths paper at 8.30am later, bless my soul, followed by written experiment for Chemistry, which I basically have nil knowledge about. My genius brain thinks that it's really fun to screw with my entire system at 4.40am. She doesn't make any sense. Guess I'll be screaming for coffee again before chem. In fact, I don't even feel fresh right now. It's like, my body is begging for rest but my head just refuses to grant its wishes. I don't know how I'm going to last till noon. Yesterday was bad enough...

Guess this is just me during exams. Everything goes haywire. Everything loses it's routine. 

Frankly, I don't feel very stressed. Of course there's more tension than usual, but I don't feel like I'm being pulled so tight that I'm going to snap. I feel quite normal, but my body and mind is telling me otherwise. I literally have zero energy to do anything that requires movement after coming home from a paper. I tried running 2 days ago but god I can still feel it now. I expected to feel it in my legs a little, but right now even my abs and arms ache. Maybe it's really not that bad since it's like a 3-in-1 promo. Run and work all legs, abs and arms. But that's not the point. The point is, there's something wrong with me.

The emotion part of the side effect of trials wore off since the exam started. Weird I know. But I think I was my most emotional self last week. It was quite bad really, given that I tried so hard to suppress it but people could still tell. It was so bad that even my mom was worried. She's normally quite happy when I'm stressed out because she always complain that my stress threshold is too high, or I'm incapable of being stretched because I'm too stubborn and too absorbed in my own theories that I don't have a certain amount of healthy tension to push me forward. Which is kind of true. I usually feel less than normal people do. 

For the first time in forever, I told her that I screwed up my papers, and she replied with a 'never mind la'. My reaction was 'huh? What never mind?'. I was expecting her to rant about how I never study ahead, and how I study with my phone beside me and stuff, but she gave me none of that. I didn't even know how to react to 'nevermind' because I've never done it before.

Sigh it's 6.40am. Maybe I should try doing another paper. Or at least read two experiments before I make my PB&J for breakfast.