Nothing that’s worthwhile is ever easy

Follow your heart, they said, but my heart is a liar that's totally disconnected from my mind. My mind knows exactly what I should feel, but my heart is a clueless idiot. It has no self-protection mechanism, no ability to judge. It lies to my mind, leaving me to think that I'm doing okay, but eventually, the truth comes out and I'm so far from the direction I know I should be heading. What a stupid mass of muscle tissues.

Have you ever tried so hard to forget someone that you mentally slap yourself when you let them cross your mind for even one second? You survive, weeks and months and years, but suddenly, they appear out of nowhere, physically and literally, and you just let all your guards down again. You say yes to every invitation, pulling on every single strain you've been building previously, and sometimes, you let them break. At the end, you realize you're vulnerable and alone, and you have to start from square one. You curse yourself for letting it happen, but deep down, you know that if you were given a second chance, you'll do the same thing all over again.

You have no idea how long it will take, but you're just hoping that one day, your heart won't race and you won't smile with this insanely huge amount of excitement when their names appear as the caller ID on your phone screen, or you won't be dying to eavesdrop when they talk to other people. You're just holding on to the tiny piece of faith that you're gonna meet someone, some day, that will make you feel the way they do, and that someone will feel the same way too.