Things I say, things I don't

And things you'll never know...

They say, the only way to be closer to people is to invite them, draw them into our lives, but then I realized, that's what I've been doing all along. I invite people into my life, blindly, but it's just like willingly giving them the authority to screw me over, to turn my feelings upside down, and they'll leave untouched. I really don't know what I should do now, whatever changes I should make.

I wish, there was a website, where you can just type whatever problem that's bugging you right now, and some genius will send you a solution to it. 

People can be really nice and sweet, you can tell them things, they can give advice and comfort, but they'll just see what they'll see. Whatever that's unseen stays unseen. The chances of finding someone who will take the trouble to go see the unseen is so small it's practically zero. Nobody can ever feel what you feel. That's a fact. You just need to find those who listen hard enough to know what you feel, but even that, is so so hard. 

***

They say, to go with the flow. But what if the river is heading towards a ten-floor waterfall, and the only way to stay alive is to go against it? So you did, you grabbed onto a vine and pulled yourself onto the land. Then as you walk away, someone come running to you telling you that it's like heaven at the far end of the waterfall, and you feel like slapping yourself for being too chicken to take the risk.

Sometimes, it's just to protect yourself, but the jury says you're being insensible and selfish. And you stand there, thinking it's your problem, wishing you had done better. But people, they'll eventually get tired of trying, to impress, to gain acceptance. But then, they realised that they actually care... And they just keep torturing themselves to turn the situation around. Useless effort, all ignored like stars in the full-moon night sky.

I can keep on typing until you get so fed up that you just click and escape this page. There's so much going on right now I don't know where to start.

There's this book by Cecelia Ahern, it's about a girl, her life was damn screwed. and just out of nowhere, her Life came to rescue. Her Life, as in someone who knows exactly what was happening in her life, how she feels,what she wants, and help her to turn her life around. I really want that. Some stranger coming up to me, telling me 'Don't worry, I've got this', and your problems just go down like dominoes. 

That life, I'll die for.