The sky is getting bright

The stars are burning out, somebody slow it down.

Whatdacrap I have bio test tomorrow and I'm so unready and here I am singing to Daylight and typing away. And I just screwed up something really badly and regretting like mad for talking too much. Screw me and my big mouth. Omgwth I'm so doomed. MEHHHHH

Omg I think I can swallow a whole bar of chocolate right now plus a whole tub of ice cream. Ok I feel like a dumbass for assuming that everyone is as nonchalant as I am. KILLMENAOOOO

***

My housemates are currently standing by the window, all hyped and excited because they think they're seeing Genting Highlands from our apartment, but I seriously doubt that it's Genting. I mean, Genting is like in the middle of the North South Highway between KL and Perak. And oh some huge firework is going on right now and we don't see shit but a small part of its reflection. But hey it's sparks in the sky. And I pity the penguins. People dying d you still there slapping heat on their faces.

Alright.

First things first, OB came and gone two days ago. Frankly, I can't think of any comments apt enough, so I'm just gonna not talk so much about it. The ending part was really suckish, but the after math is awesome. That's all I can think of. It's rather magical, how disasters can turn into something beautiful after a little thinking and forgiving and caring. I suppose it's how people grow up, and realize what life is all about. It's not about the enemies that leave you in tears, but the people who sat beside you making sure you're still functioning.

(Oh gosh the firework is so loud that the sky is gonna fall any time soon.)

I mean, it's feels really really good, knowing people care about you. And therefore, we should care more too. Sometimes, it doesn't even matter if they know what you're doing for them. It's just nice, knowing you actually helped someone in some random way. 

Last night, I got a phone call and I practically ran downstairs, and my uncle, aunt and cousin sisters were at the entrance of the apartment with a macaroon and a super mouth-watering chocolate cake. And it seriously made my day cuz yesterday was really depressing. With everyone constantly falling asleep and the weather and the books lying around and all. And then this cake came into the picture and the world is a better place hahahhahh!!!! But seriously. I love my family :)

I wish there is this dessert shop that has delivery service, and when you feel down you can have your favourite dessert delivered to your door step and everything is nice again.

Dream away...

Out of sight, out of mind

Today started out okay, but chemistry happened, and it was shit, and more crap happened, then I went for a 25 minute run out of anger and went to eat back the calories in 2 scoops of good ice cream and the world is a better place. I don't know if it's the ice or the cream or the sugar or the chocolate, but ice cream solves everything.

I have maths assignment tomorrow but whattheheck there's a new episode of Pretty Little Liars!!!!

Sometimes I wish I could read minds, wish I'd know what people are thinking about but now, I just wanna be all retarded and dumb and oblivious. There's a reason behind everything, but I don't give two craps about the reason. I mean, who cares about the reason. I'm gonna live a happy life and you can try your every best to screw it up for me like I'm not good enough a sucker at living, but do whatever you like. But you're just sick, I hope you know that.

I sort of raised my voice to my mom over Skype just now, she's probably complaining to my dad, about what a terrible daughter I am these days, like always, but I really salute at her ability of being so paranoid and controlling 24/7. Like seriously. I don't know what she wants from me, and I'd rather she just say it out loud in my face than hinting and her Facetime but not call strategy. It's driving me crazy. I see 'Banana' on my phone and I'll ask everyone to shut up and make sure I look ok before answering. It's like talking to my boss, with the fear of getting fired. Yeah it sucks, you bet.

ANYWAYS, 2 more days to the weekends. I'm constantly counting down, I know, but one needs something too look forward to right?

I've been dreaming way too much

Can we just turn this into reality?

-AJ Rafael

One more day down. Ok, so my mind is all screwed upside down. That's for smartly waking up at 4 this morning to study bloody chemistry. It worked. I remember everything, sort of, but the side effect is worse than a freaking hangover. My feelings and mood and thoughts are all a big mess right now I don't even know what I'm thinking. This is happening like a lot lately. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I'm really screwed... Ah who knows. 

3 more days to go till the weekend, and I really feel like slacking tonight, despite the chem test tomorrow. I'm just basically waiting for time to past till my bro-buddy is free to talk to me. Gosh I really need this talk. It's been a while since we last really talked. Hate the fact that he's struggling through his third sem, and that he has another girl to take care of. Yeah I'm jealous lol. And why the hell am I talking about this right now?

See! Told you. I have no control over what I think. I'm just babbling everything that comes into my mind. I don't even know what I actually want to blog about. Just to keep my blog alive I guess. And this, is not what alive really means but screw it.

*Putting huge effort to brighten up the atmosphere***

3 more days to the weekends. I know I have to study for QT and stuff, but hey it's the weekend. Imma go somewhere to get groceries, and waste some time and watch a movie or whatever. I deserve a break. Counting down.

And every time you close your eyes

I will be by your side

Cuz every time you make me sing

Baby I will be your everything

Been trying to get this song our of my head but jdifjoaisjoijfoiwef the memories that comes with it just won't go away. Omg I miss old songs!!!

Just close your eyes to see

From On My Way by Boyce Avenue. This song, is so so sweet, it's like a fairytale. I have no idea at all, how people come up with lyrics like this. I mean, how can one figure out combinations of words that are so meaningful I feel like crying by just listening to it. Plus the MV. Oh my goodness....

It's a very quiet and peaceful Sunday today. No plans no nothing. Woke up, went marketing with the hommies, went for breakfast, came home and studied. It feels good, knowing that I've actually DONE something that relates to my academic. 

I promised myself and KX that I'll go to gym at 4. But I had lunch at 2.30++. So the noodles are still moving through my digestive tract, another reason why i shouldn't go. Why am I so lazy??? All I really want to do is watch a nice movie and eat a nice sandwich and sleep the day away. Awww man... I miss my post-SPM life, when nothing matters at all. My life mission was just to have fun, and go to sleep everyday with a smile and wake up to the sun shining through the curtains, and make breakfast in my pyjamas and finish it over the newspapers. That, is life.

I just realized I haven't really been reading these days. The last look I read was One Day, when I was on the cruise last December. And that's about it. I borrowed the Laurent Conrad series from Faith and it's lying on the shelf beside my bed, half read. And another Emily Griffin, half read too. And I used to finish a book every 2 days. Gahhh FML. Not reading feels really weird, like not playing the piano, and not walking around the garden playing with Looney. 

Well I guess there's always parts of my old life that I'll miss...

Flash forward and we're taking on the world together

It's Saturday. *cue cheers and confetti**

Only 2 days of classes since the CNY holiday but it feels like forever. Sorry for being all whinny and annoying on my last post. I actually wanted to delete it. I don't like it being all dull and full of complaints, ruining the ambient and all... But whatever.

So, today was basically spent sauntering around Bukit Bintang hunting for a dress for Orientation Ball. And I just realized that I really really don't like shopping, especially when there's pressure and specific demands. I like seeing stuff I like at random and trying them on and getting them. But going into almost ever shop, not knowing what I want is so tedious. I have no idea how the guys managed to not get frustrated when I was already cursing myself inside. I don't like to feel demanding, but when it comes to picking something, well...

I actually wanted to study since dinner time, but we ended up laughing like mad people over meat-eating bunnies and perverted dogs. And then I moved into my room, and YouTube came into the picture. I swear I'm gonna start studying at midnight. Don't feel like sleeping tonight. And fireworks are still going off in the night sky. It's the 7th day of the lunar year. :)

I have a thing for new years. Well, probably cuz it's new. New means hope, new means forgiveness, new means second chances. Which, is why I love mornings, cuz it's a new day. Another chance to make it right. 

A super fail attempt to do the romantic blur spotlight thing.

I was on a ship, with the sea breeze blowing at me like crazy, with no tripod. 

So the ISO was freaking huge, hence, the excessive noise.

I have a perfect one taken in Taiwan, but it's in the PC at home.

Goshhhh I miss my camera.

:(

Okay 5 more minutes to midnight. Gonna pick a nice play list and study away. I seriously need to do this right, so my mom wouldn't call every single day making sure I'm not out partying. She really has got no trust in me at all. Ouch...

Cuz it sounds just like home to me

Being alone and having to go to school on V Day is already depressing enough. And this very romantic morning, my alarm went off, and I woke up to a crazy gastric ache, in a freezing room. So I sort of wrapped myself in my blanket for like 15 minutes, bracing myself for the cold before jumping up and dashing across the room to switch off the air con. And stupid gastric problem couldn't wear off until I swallowed 3 tablets (it usually takes one). This, is call overdose. But whatever, I'll probably die of pain if I don't eat those pills. 

Then I walked to school, at 8 even though classes starts at 9. And rotted for an hour. Then it was 6 hours of boring, torturing classes. And my head was spinning a like a freaking merry-go-round. AND THENNNN this bunch of classmates started trying to disable my phone. And they did. 3 times of 15 minutes, and some smartass go smartly did it to 1 hour. And I was in the middle of something then. 

Thennnnn it the dreadful classes ended. But it was raining like shit outside. And I was seriously cursing the sky d. I mean, it started to rain since morning, still not enough ah? It's V Day and even the sky was crying -.-

Luckily Brenda's parents were fetching her and she offered a ride, so I said yes, and Ry and Ans followed me back too, to take pineapple tarts and to waste time lol.

The rain just 100% stopped, and Ken is over, making pasta for us :) Brothers are still the best. Having the thought of the food later is so far, the best part of today.

And I just realized the apartment will be basically empty this weekend. Hopefully Crystal doesn't ditch me to stay with her mom or anyone else. 2 nights alone here, I'll cry.

So that's all for now. My head is still spinning for some reason.

Don't focus, just capture the moment

Somethings, things we are looking for aren't things we really want, or need. We programmed our mind into thinking that we want it, but deep inside our hearts, what we truly want, is a whole other object. And sometimes, we already have it, all we need is realization :)

Today was basically... Boring. But then the night came and after a session of photoshoot, last minute photoshoot, my sisters and I skipped dinner and went straight to JJ for I Love Hong Kong. Laughed our asses off, it was wicked funny, and went for another car ride, then came home.
I'm blogging with the blogger app right now, and they require HTML. Omg I can still do HTML haha so proud of myself XD
Well, that's it for now. I'm so tired I can't think straight... Zzz

The highway don't care if you're all alone

But I do...

It's past 1am. I promised my baby bro I'll watch football later. So I don't think I'm getting any sleep tonight. I don't really want it anyway. It's CNY, everything goes upside down. I'll sleep during the day, wake up when the doorbell rings to say hi and get my money and look polite and shit.

I'll talk about home today.

So, home is great. It's, well, home. But the thing is, every time, all the 3 times, I came home, the first thing I get is complaints. About the traffic, about the weather about the delay, about how I look... The first sentence I hear when I climb into the car was always a negative comment. 

Then I get home, and my mom will start to tell me what to do. Schedule driving lesson, fix this fix that, arrange this arrange that... And I'll be like OMG WTH I JUST CAME HOME I DESERVE A PEACEFUL MOMENT. And apparently, according to my parents, I'm spending way to much time holding my phone and staring into the computer. Which, is so not true. I connect, with people. That's all. I'm not even addicted to it. And then they start making weird assumptions. 

It's like my coming back brings nothing but gloom. They kept telling me how good my sister had been, and how much I've been spending, and how I'm not concentrating on my studies. Like they know!!! I'm so sick of them doubting me, to the extend that I don't even care what they think anymore. Keep blaming, it's none of my business.

Things I say, things I don't

And things you'll never know...

They say, the only way to be closer to people is to invite them, draw them into our lives, but then I realized, that's what I've been doing all along. I invite people into my life, blindly, but it's just like willingly giving them the authority to screw me over, to turn my feelings upside down, and they'll leave untouched. I really don't know what I should do now, whatever changes I should make.

I wish, there was a website, where you can just type whatever problem that's bugging you right now, and some genius will send you a solution to it. 

People can be really nice and sweet, you can tell them things, they can give advice and comfort, but they'll just see what they'll see. Whatever that's unseen stays unseen. The chances of finding someone who will take the trouble to go see the unseen is so small it's practically zero. Nobody can ever feel what you feel. That's a fact. You just need to find those who listen hard enough to know what you feel, but even that, is so so hard. 

***

They say, to go with the flow. But what if the river is heading towards a ten-floor waterfall, and the only way to stay alive is to go against it? So you did, you grabbed onto a vine and pulled yourself onto the land. Then as you walk away, someone come running to you telling you that it's like heaven at the far end of the waterfall, and you feel like slapping yourself for being too chicken to take the risk.

Sometimes, it's just to protect yourself, but the jury says you're being insensible and selfish. And you stand there, thinking it's your problem, wishing you had done better. But people, they'll eventually get tired of trying, to impress, to gain acceptance. But then, they realised that they actually care... And they just keep torturing themselves to turn the situation around. Useless effort, all ignored like stars in the full-moon night sky.

I can keep on typing until you get so fed up that you just click and escape this page. There's so much going on right now I don't know where to start.

There's this book by Cecelia Ahern, it's about a girl, her life was damn screwed. and just out of nowhere, her Life came to rescue. Her Life, as in someone who knows exactly what was happening in her life, how she feels,what she wants, and help her to turn her life around. I really want that. Some stranger coming up to me, telling me 'Don't worry, I've got this', and your problems just go down like dominoes. 

That life, I'll die for.

Faster than the wind

Hello everyone!!!

 

It's another Monday, another full week, after a satisfying weekend of camp. It was fun. Like really fun. Made me miss those good-old days in school. When we stayed up till 3am to plan the games and annoying stuff like food and songs. It was hell then, but come to think of it, it's like the craziest, most hardcore thing I've ever done in secondary school.

 

I don't really know why I decided to blog. I have a physics test to study and maths to do copy. And yet, I decide to get my priorities mixed up. And I'm dead sleepy right now. Eyelids fighting to fall.

 

And the washing machine is still spinning like it's nobody's business. It's been going on for... hours... And I'm just waiting for it to halt so I can go bring my laundry out and jump straight onto my bed and fly to dreamland.